HAS THE NEW JEAN FAILEN?
I went into the garden of Bela's house and knocked. She opened the door. She saw my hand and she
looked at my pale and tired face. I went up the stairs and sat down. She brought me a drink.
I felt the empty morphine container in my pocket and threw it into the waste-paper basket.
"Did I ever tell you that my mother took morphine?"
"No. But I thought it possible."
"Would it surprise you if you learnt that I brought the morphine with me from Paris?"
"Nothing surprises me, Jean. I know you too well."
"This morning she came down and received fifty guests at the chateau in the rain. She did it just so
as to spoil Renee's day. Then this evening Germaine called me, and she wanted me to give her--that."
I pointed to the waste-basket. "And I did. That's why I have come to you. I have come because I am
ashamed. I hate myself."
"You told me on Friday that you were going to deal with your difficulties in a different way. Hasn't
the new Jean de Gue been successful? Has he failed?"
She was smiling, and I felt that what I had told her about wanting to save the glass factory and the
people working there had seemed to her just a passing idea which had come to me when I was drunk.
"He has failed," I said. "He had given his mother and his family what they asked for, just as he did
before, because he was lazy and did not care; but the new Jean is ashamed. And the glass factory--
there is something there which is difficult and strange. I don't know what to do."
"If you want to get things straight, surely there is only one person who can do that for you--your
sister, Blanche. I heard about your hand. I'll dress it again before you go. How did it happen?"
"I burnt myself on purpose."
"Why? Were you afraid of shooting badly? Or did you do it as a punishment to yourself? I'll get you
some supper. How long can you stay?"
"Until the morning."
"Oh! So this new Jean is not possessed by his family any more?"
When I awoke, I heard the bath-water running. My hand had been dressed. I called to Bela and she
came in at once in a dressing-gown. She kissed me. Being with her was like being in another world.
"I'll bring you some coffee."
I drank the coffee and dressed. I saw Gaston waiting at the Old Gate with car.
"I told everyone that you didn't wish to see anyone, and I locked both doors of the dressing-room."
He gave me the keys.
He drove round to the back of the chateau and I entered by the side door, and went quietly up to my
room.
As I entered my room I stepped on a piece of paper which had been pushed under the door. I read it:
Dear Papa,
You told me that you would not go away, and I believed you. But you did not come to say good night,
and your door is locked. I know that you are unhappy and are suffering now from a terrible wrong
done in the past. I am going to pray that I may suffer all the punishment for your wrong-doing
because I am young and strong and can bear it better. Sleep well, and have faith in Marie-Noel who
loves you dearly.
I put the paper in my pocket and sat by the window waiting for Gaston to bring my breakfast.
At about eight o'clock I heard footsteps and knocking on Francoise's door, then on the bathroom door
which I had not unlocked. I heard Francoise cry, "Jean! Jean! Are you awake?"
I opened the door. She was standing there in her nightdress, looking very pale, and behind her there
was Germaine, and beyond in the bedroom I saw Blanche watching me without a word. I could see Paul,
half-dressed, standing in his bedroom door with Renee beside him.