LA COMTESSE IS ILL
I slept badly. When I awoke I heard the church bell ringing. Marie-Noel came and helped me to put
on my clothes.
We went into the bedroom to say good morning to Francoise. Then we went down and I saw the little
family party going on in front along the road--Renee, Paul, Blanche and, on Blanche's arm, a tall
balck figure: it was the Comtesse. I walked on and offered her my left arm.
"What's this story about burning yourself?" We reached the church as I finished my story. "I don't
believe it," she said. "Only a madman would have done such a thing."
The service ended. I gave my arm to the Comtesse as we walked out of the church.
"I suppose that fool Renee will dress herself up because Francoise is in bed, and receive the guests
as lady of the house. I think I'll stay downstairs and spoil her fun."
At half past ten we waited to receive the guests. Poor Renee! Her mother-in-law, the Comtesse, stood
in the place of honour and received each guests like a queen. Paul kept looking at his watch,
anxious to start the shoot.
The shoot was a terrible failure. The dog, Caesar, could not find his master, the real Jean de Gue,
and would obey no one else's orders. He fought other dogs and frightened the birds.
I went back to the chateau. I went upstairs and lay on the bed in the dressing-room and slept.
I was woken by someone whispering in my ear. It was Germaine. "Come quickly. Madame la Comtesse is
ill and she is asking for you or Charlotte. But Charlotte is downstairs with the guests."
At the bedroom door I told Germaine to wait outside.
I went to the bed and took the Comtesse's hand.
"I'm ill," she said. "I am suffering. Why didn't you come before?"
"What do you want me to do?"
"You know perfectly well what I want. Charlotte keeps it in the cupboard in my dressing-room. Surely
you remember where it is."
There were two packets in the cupboard. One of them was the "present" which I had given her on that
first evening. It was morphine in little containers.
I went back into the bedroom. "I don't want to give it to you," I said.
"Why?"
I looked at her. I saw the shell of a person without life or feeling. But somewhere inside that
shell was something still alive. I did not want it to die.
I did what she asked. I put the empty container in my pocket. She looked up at me and smiled, and
then she slept. I had done what the mother and son had done before me. I had done the easiest thing.
I was terribly ashamed. I walked blindly out of that upstairs room and down into the hall. I had
only one idea in my mind--that I must get out of the chateau as soon as possible.
As I went out of the front door of the chateau the door of the big room opened. I heard the sound of
the guests. Then Marie-Noel stood beside me.
"Where are you going?" she said.
"I don't know. I might not come back."
The colour went from her face.
"Take me with you."
"I can't. I don't know where I am going."
"Will you walk? You can't drive because of that hand."
I heard a footstep in the hall. It was Blanche. She did not see me standing there. "Come in out of
the rain," she said to Marie-Noel.
As I stood there outside the door of the chateau I heard the sound of A car. The lights fell upon
me. The car stopped. Gaston got out.
"I took some of the older people home. Are you ill?"
"No. It's just--everything." I waved my hand towards the chateau.
"Perhaps," he said quietly, "you would like me to drive you into Villars--and I will come back for
you early in the morning."