WASHINGTON--Marveling at the outraged, shouting woman's conditioning, House Speaker
Paul Ryan told reporters Tuesday he could not help but be impressed by the infuriated
protester who had been keeping up with his running pace for the last nine miles. "She's
extremely irritating, and I absolutely disagree with her political views, but I've
got to hand it to her for maintaining a consistent seven-minute mile this whole time,"
said Ryan during a morning run around the Tidal Basin, adding that the woman's stamina
was particularly impressive considering she had sustained a steady chant of "Do your job!"
since she caught up with the Wisconsin Republican alongside the Jefferson Memorial more
than an hour earlier. "I honestly thought she would have lost steam on lap three and given up,
but her endurance and aerobic capacity are absolutely incredible. She hasn't lowered her sign
even once. I wonder what kind of regimen she's on." After a quick cooldown, Ryan told reporters
the protester's energy had been particularly helpful in preparing him for an upcoming triathlon,
and he hoped the woman would be back again at 6 a.m. tomorrow to take him to task for having no
viable Obamacare alternative.