Hemingway once wrote that courage is grace under pressure. But I wouldrather
think with the 18th-century Italian dramatist, Vittorio Alfieri, that
"often the test of courage is not to die but t0 1ive." For living with
cancerengenders more than pressure; it begets terror. To live with it
, to face up toit-that's courage. Hope is our most effective "drug" in
treating cancer. There is almost nocancer (at any stage) that cannot be
treated. By instilling hope in a patient,we can help develop a positive
; combative attitude to his disease. Illogical,unproven? Perhaps. But many
doaors believe that this must become a partof cancer therapy if the therapy
is to be effective. I have had the joy of two beautiful and wonderful
wives, the happiness ofparenthood and the love of eight children. My work
was constantly chal-lenging and fulfilling. I have always loved music
and books, ballet and thetheater. I was addicted to fitness, tennis, golf
, curling, hunting and fishing. Good food and wine graced my table. My
home was a warm and happyplace. But when I became aware of my imminent
mortality, my attitudes changed. There was real meaning to the words, "This
is the first day of the rest ofyour life." There was a heightened awareness
of each sunny day, the beautyof flowers, the song of a bird. How often
do we reflect on the joy of breath. ing easily, of swallowing without
effort and discomfort, of walking withoutpain, of a complete and peaceful
night's sleep? After I became ill, I embarked upon many things I had been
putting offbefore. I read the books Ihad set aside for retirement and
wrote one myself,entitled TheArt of Surgery. My wife Madeleine and I took
more holidays. We played tennis regularly and curled avidly; we took the
boys fishing. WhenI review these past few years, it seems in many ways
that I have lived alifetime since I acquired cancer. On my last holiday
in the Bahamas, as Iwalked along the beach feeling the gentle waves wash
over my feet, I felt apart of tlie universe, even if only a minuscule
one,like a grain of sand on thebeach. Although I had to restrict the size
of my practice, I felt closer empathy withmy patients. When I walked into
the Intensive Care Unit there was an awe-some feeling knowing I, too, had
been a patient there. It was a special satis-faction to comfort my patients
with cancer, knowing that it is possible toenjoy life after the anguish
of that diagnosis. It gave me a warm feeling tosee the sparkle in one
patient's eyes-a man with a totallaryngectomy-when I asked if he would
enjoy a cold beer and went to get him one. If one realizes that our time
on this earth is but a tiny fraction of that withinthe cosmos, then life
calculated in years may not be as important as wethink. Why measure life
in heartbeats? When life is so dependent on such anunreliable function
as the beating of the heart, then it is fragile indeed. Theonly thing
that one can depend upon with absolute certainty is death. I believe that
death may be the most important part of life. I believe that lifeis infinitesinially
brief in relation to the immensity of eternity. I believe,because of my
religious faith, that I shall "return to the Father"in an afterlifethat
is beyond description. I believe that though my life was short in years
, itwas fullin experience, joy, love and accomplishment; that my owriimmor
-tality will reside in the memories of my loved ones left behind, mother
,brother, wife, children, dear friends. I believe that I will die with
loved onesclose by and, one hopes, achieve that great gift of God-ileath
in peace, andwith dignity.