All I ever wanted was for Juli Baker to leave me alone.
It all began in the summer of 1957, before the start of second grade.
Here we are. What do you guys think?
I like this place. It's cool. What color is my room?
Just you wait. Let's see what's inside.
Hey, come on, buddy Bryce.
Why don't you and I go help unload the van and the womenfolk here can
get in the kitchen and start setting up.
Okay, Dad.
For me, it was the beginning of what would be more than the half a
decade of strategic avoidance and social discomfort.
Hi, I'm Juli Baker.
Hey, hey, what are you doing?
Don't you want some help?
No. There's some valuable things in there.
How about this one?
No, no, no. Why don't you run along home. Your mother's probably wondering where you are.
Oh, no, my mom knows where I am. She said it's fine.
It didn't take long to realize this girl could not take a hint.
It's toughly crowded in here with three people.
I don't mind.
Of any kind.
You wanna push this one together?
Bryce, isn't it time for you to go help your mother?
Oh, yeah.
I mean, nothing would stop her.
I was about to tell her to get lost when the weirdest thing happened.
I couldn't believe it. There I was holding hands with this strange firl. How did I get into this
mess?
Well, hello. I see you've met my son.
Finally, I did the only manly thing available when you're 7 years old.
However, my troubles were far from over.
The minute I walked into Miss Yelson's classroom.
Bryce? You're here.
It was clear: school would not be a sanctuary.
Hey, Bryce, where's your girlfriend?
I was branded for life.
Hey, Bryce, why don't you ask her to marry you?
Bryce and Juli sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
My first year in town was a disaster.
Look at them.
And the next three weren't much better.
But finally, in the sixth grade, I took action.
I hatched the plan. Sherry.
Sherry, wait up.
Hey, Bryce.
I asked out Sherry Stalls.
To fully appreciate the brilliance of this plan you have to understand that Juli had always hated
Sherry Stalls though I never understood why.
Sherry was nice, friendly and she had a lot of hair.
At first, my mother wouldn't let me get my ears pierced, but I begged.
The idea was that Sherry would eat with me maybe we'd walk around together, and hopefully Juli
would eventually lose interest.
But I still can't get the hoops till I'm 16.
Oh, that's a shame.
So Melanie wanted to get her ears pierced, but of course her mother said no. So she threw a fit and
smashed her Johnny Mathis Greatest Hits album and she got grounede, so now she can't come to my
pajama sleepover party.
Things were unfolding quite nicely.
Hey, what are you doing for your science project this year?
That is, until my supposed best friend, Garrett Einbinder took an interest in Sherry himself.
I was thinking of showing how split ends react with different kind of hair conditioners.
That's fascinating.
Loyalty gave way to desire and Garrett, the turncoat told Sherry what I was up to.
Jerk.
She didn't take it well. Word got back to Juli, and pretty soon she started up with the goo-goo
eyes again.
Only this time it was worse. She started sniffing me. That's right, sniffing me.
What was that all about? My only consolation was that next year would be different. Junior high,
bigger schoool. Maybe we'd be in different classes and it would finally, finally be over.