My prayer was for as long as I can remember , God use me ,use me ,use this life.
I don't know what the future holds for me,
but I know what that there is a vision for my life that is greater than my imagination can hold.
Use me, use me ,what would you have me to do ?
And that dream, this desire, that prayer, brought me somehow to televsion.
I had failed on an eppic scale.
An excptionally short-lived marriage had impoloded,and I was jobless.
Alone parent ,and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain,without being homeless.
The fears that my parent had had for me and that I had for myself had both come to past.
And by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.
Now I'm not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun, that period of my life was a dark
one.
And I had idea that there was going to be what the press has seen since represented as a kind of fai
rytale resolution
I had no idea then how far the tunnel extended.
And for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.
So why do I talk about the benefits of failure?
Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inner sensual.
I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was.
And began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me.
I was set free, becaus my greateat fear has been realized, and I was still alive,
and I still had a daughter whom I abored I had an old typerwriter and a a big idea.
And so rock bottom because the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
If I could have a daghter,